I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
