She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
