I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
