Tell her she can't have a vagina
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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