just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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