go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
