You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Randomize
