Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
