Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
