What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Randomize
