she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
