if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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