She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
