I'm lost and stupid without you.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
