I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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