So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
