So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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