in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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