it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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