true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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