Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
