I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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