you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
