Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
