I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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