it wasn't lemon gatorade
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
where am i from again
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
