There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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