If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
