Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
