I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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