Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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