Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
