i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
