HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
