We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
