Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
