why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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