i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
