My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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