Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
