pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize