Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
