I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
