ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
