oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize