I swear she didn't look like that last week.
dude i'm inner monologue high
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize