you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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