ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
