There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
