I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
