Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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