hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize