Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
