hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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