Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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