I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
