I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
