on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize