He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I think your dad took our porno
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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