I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
