You're so nebulous sometimes
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize