No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
