I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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