Will you blow on my dice?
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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