She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
