Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
