Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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