Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
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