I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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