Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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