Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
