I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
