my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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