This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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