so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
